i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
