literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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