I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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