where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
