we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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