he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
