This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
