Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
