So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
