Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
