so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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