I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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