remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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