Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I looked at my own cervix.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
