my sisters under your porch take her home
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
