i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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