I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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