he puts the penis in happiness.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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