from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
