my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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