I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
