I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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