Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
