Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
worst night to have a conscience
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
