:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
