Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
