worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
