and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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