1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
