"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
