I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
