I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
