God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was so not down for the gang bang
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
