I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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