i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
her facebook's as public as her vagina
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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