I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
