You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
