She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
