Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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