Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
