i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
