you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
