I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
