Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
