I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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