I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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