i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
