Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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