my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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