i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
