Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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