well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
