everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
