I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
